The only one thing that you asked for was for the garbage to be taken out. A little bit later you discover your partner didn’t do it. When you ask why it didn’t get done, your partner replies “I never heard you ask me”. Why aren’t you surprised that your partner failed to hear the one thing they wanted done? This “selective hearing” is a common sign that communication is breaking down.
This “selective hearing” is often viewed as a kind of character flaw. Accusing someone of selective hearing is saying they weren’t listening to you. But selective hearing could actually be connected to untreated hearing loss instead of a short attention span.
Selective hearing – what is it?
You’ve probably had at least one or more scenarios in your life where somebody has accused you of not listening, even if no one specifically used the phrase “selective hearing”. When you miss all the things you don’t want to hear but hear everything else, that’s selective hearing. You hear the part about cooking a delicious meal but miss the part about cleaning up the dishes. That sort of thing.
As a behavior, selective hearing is incredibly common. However, most studies point to males failing to hear their partners more frequently than women.
How people are socialized does provide some context and it might be tempting to make some assumptions from this. But the other part of the picture might have something to do with hearing health. Let’s say your “selective hearing” begins to become more prominent or more common. That could actually be an early sign of hearing loss.
Hearing loss can cause gaps in communication
Communication will undoubtedly be harder with undiagnosed hearing loss. That’s likely not that shocking.
But here’s the thing: oftentimes, communication issues are an indication of hearing loss.
Symptoms can be very hard to detect when hearing loss is in the early phases. Perhaps you begin turning the volume on your tv up. When go out to your local haunt, you have a hard time hearing conversations. You most likely just assume it’s because of the loud music. And so, besides that, you could go through most of your everyday life without giving much notice to the volume of the world around you. This lets your hearing gradually decline. You hardly notice the issue until you’re at the point where you often have difficulty hearing conversations.
Your hearing health is worrying your partner
The people around you will most likely be concerned. Yes, selective hearing is a relatively common annoyance (even more annoying when you already feel like no one listens to you). But as it happens more and more frequently, irritation may turn to concern.
So, your partner might recommend you set up a hearing test to find out if something is wrong.
Your partner’s worry is relevant and it’s essential for you to recognize that. Have an open discussion and consider that they are coming from a place of caring and not just annoyance.
Early hearing loss has a few other indicators
If your selective hearing is getting worse over time, it might be worth watching out for some of these other early signs of hearing loss. Here are some of those signs:
- Having a difficult time distinguishing consonants
- People sound far-away or muffled when they speak
- Trouble hearing in crowds
- Cranking up the volume on your mobile phone, television, or radio
- Requesting that people talk slower and talk louder
If you experience any of these symptoms, you should call us for a hearing test.
Wear ear protection
Protecting your hearing is so critical to preventing hearing loss. Limit your exposure to loud environments (or at least use earmuffs or earplugs when you have to be around noise). Any feathers that you may have ruffled with your selective hearing can be smoothed over by using hearing aids to communicate more effectively.
A diminishing attention span will be responsible for most selective hearing situations in your life. But you might want to take it as a sign that it’s time to get a hearing test when people around you begin to notice your selective hearing getting worse.
